First transmission: Gay Marriage

Posted: 10/04/2011 in Social issues

Why Gay Marriage is OK

(subtitled: So Please Shut the Hell Up About It Already)

For reasons that I admit are quite beyond my comprehension, this is a matter of some debate in the so-called Land of the Free. What there is to debate about I simply cannot imagine. Nonetheless, I’m going to lay it all out right here, so if you read this and disagree, please don’t call me, send messages or emails, or ride over my house in a single engine Cessna with threatening banners, because I’ve said it all here and there’s nothing left to discuss.

Parte Una: If You Don’t Like Gay Marriage, Don’t Get One

That sums this section up rather succinctly. I would think nothing else need be said. But in the interest of thoroughness, let me expound.

What is it about morals that make those who have them (or think they have them) feel they can push them on everyone else? How does it impact you at all if a gay couple live in blissful, or bickering, matrimony down the street? How does this effect your life? None and none. Mind your own damn business.

So let’s say that gaydom is a terrible, mortal sin. Let’s say God thinks it’s worse than being a commie. Even if you were to accept such (arbitrary) beliefs, here’s the thing:

YOU CAN’T LEGISLATE GOODNESS.

Forbidding it doesn’t actually save anybody’s soul, because, as you would know if you were to believe in anything religious, the sin is in a person’s heart. This is why such matters are best left up to God (or whoever) and NOT YOU. Because you are not God (or whoever), in case you’ve forgotten.

(This same point also applies to laws about gambling and prostitution, but…another day).

Parte Due: Surprise! Minorities DO Have Rights

In the California situation, the argument has been made that the will of the people in this matter should be upheld; that, if the majority don’t want gay marriage, then “so let it be written, let it be done.”

Given our country’s history, this argument is truly mystifying! If such an argument were valid, the South could very well still be segregated. Today, no one would even entertain the notion that the majority should be able to pass discriminating laws based on race, or even on gender, physical handicap, or religion. It would not matter if even 90% of the population believed that Islam should be banned by law, such a law would OF COURSE be unthinkable. Yes, such a thing would be democratic, but I’ve got news for you, we don’t live in a democracy, we live in a

REPRESENTATIVE REPUBLIC.

(That’s the idea, anyway.)

The Founders knew better than to establish a tyranny of majority. Instead, they left us one, fundamental American principle:

EQUAL PROTECTION UNDER THE LAW.

What part of this do you not understand? Equal means Equal. It doesn’t mean when you feel like it, or when you do or do not feel strongly about it, or for those who you do or do not like. It means everybody, even gay people who want to get married.

Don’t like it? Well, you’re probably not invited to the ceremony anyway.

Epilogue: Oh Yeah, Just In Case

Before someone brings up the counterargument of “What about the children?”, pressing the notion that if gay people can get married, next they’ll be having/adopting children and such a thing cannot be borne, because the children would be warped for life, let me respond succinctly:

Horsehockey.

I’ve seen no real evidence that children raised in perfect, normal, two parent homes (if such things exist) fare any better in life than any other children. Every now and then some group with an agenda tries to push statistics that seem to support such an argument, but we all know the truth: all a child needs is a loving environment and, despite what you may think, many different kinds of people can provide that.

Conclusion:

So please, accept that there are some things in this world that you don’t like or don’t agree with, get over it, and try using your mental energy for something more useful, like charity work, building world peace, or making the perfect lemon meringue pie.

End transmission.

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